• Q:  What is the largest building in Transylvania?
    A:  The Vampire State Building.
  • Q:  What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
    A:   Ghoul-aid!
  • Q:  What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
    A:   Wrap!
  • Q:  Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
    A:   Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
  • Q:  Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
    A:  Anywhere where he can boo-gie!
  • Q:  What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
    A:   "GHOUL!"
  • Q.  What's a monster's favorite play?
    A.  Romeo and Ghouliet.
  • Q:  What is a vampire's  favorite holiday?
    A:   Fangsgiving.
  • Q:  What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
    A:   It's a pain in the neck!
  • Q:  Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
    A:   To stop his coffin.
  • Q:  Why don't mummies take vacations?
    A:   They're afraid they'll relax and unwind!
  • Q: What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
    A:   Decoffinated!
  • Q.  What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
    A.  Boo boos!
  • Q:  Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
    A:   His ghoul friend.
  • Q:  What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
    A:   Frostbite.
  • Q:  What would you get if you crossed a cocker spaniel, a French poodle and a ghost?
    A:   A cocker-poodle-boo!
  • Q:  Do witches run spell checkers?
    A:  No, they are good spellers!
  • Q:  Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
    A:  In a blood bank!
  • Q:  Why do dragons sleep during the day?
    A.  So they can fight knights!
  • Q.  What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
    A. A dead ringer!
  • Q.  Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
    A.  No body!
  • Q.  Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
    A.  He didn't have the guts!
  • Q.  What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
    A.  Bone appetit!
  • Q.  What do witches put on their hair?
    A.  Scare spray!
  • Q.  What's a haunted chicken?
    A.  A poultry-geist!
  • Q.  Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
    A.  Because he wanted of a light snack!
  • Q.  What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
    A.  A cereal killer!
  • Q.  What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
    A.  Squash!
  • Q.  Where does Dracula water ski?
    A.  On Lake Erie!
  • Q.  When can't you bury people who live opposite a graveyard?
    A.  When they're not dead!
  • Q.  What trees do ghouls like best?
    A.  Ceme-trees!
  • Q.  Why are cemeteries in the middle of towns?
    A.  Because they're dead centres!
  • Q.  What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
    A.  A boo-loney sandwich!
  • Q.  Why are graveyards so noisy?
    A.  Because of all the coffin!
  • Q.  How can you tell if a corpse is angry?
    A.  It flips its lid!
  • Q.  How do undertakers speak?
    A.  Gravely!
  • Q.  Where do vampires wash themselves?
    A.  In the bat tub.
  • Q.  What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
    A.  A blood hound.
  • Q.  Why does Dracula have no friends?
    A.  Because he's a pain in the neck.
  • Q.  What was written on the hypochondriac's tombstone?
    A.  "I told you I was sick!" 
  • Q.  Why do vampire babies not like baby food?
    A.  They like something they can sink their teeth into.
  • Q.  When do vampires bite you?
    A.  On Wincedays!
  • Q. Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?
    A.  He wanted to improve his bite!
  • Q.  Where do vampires keep their savings?
    A.  In blood banks.
  • Q.  What happened at the vampire race?
    A.  They finished neck and neck!
  • Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party ?
    A.  He had no body to go with!
  • Q.  What's a vampire's favorite drink?
    A.  A Bloody Mary.
  • Q.  What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
    A.  Neck-tarines.
  • Q.  What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish?
    A.  It came back with a skeleton crew!
  • Q.  How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
    A.  He could feel it in his bones!
  • Q.  What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings?
    A.  Lazy bones!
  • Q.  What is a witch with poison ivy called?
    A.  An itchy witchy!
  • Q.  When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
    A.  When you are a mouse!
  • Q.  Why do black cats never shave?
    A.  Because 8 out of 10 cats prefer whiskas!
  • Q.  Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
    A.  The whatwolves and whenwolves!
  • Q.  Why do skeletons hate winter?
    A.  Because the cold goes right through them!
  • Q.  Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
    A.  That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!
  • Q.  What does an Australian witch ride on?
    A.  A broomerang!
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  • Q.  Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the perfect guy."
    A.  Girl Monster 2: "Oh yes, he's a bad dream come true!"
  • Q.  What game do baby ghosts like to play?
    A.  Shriek-a-boo!
  • Q.  What do ghosts serve for dessert?
    A.  Ice cream!
  • Q.  Why do witches fly on brooms?
    A.  Vacuum cleaner cords aren't long enough!
  • Q.  What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
    A.  Spelling!
  • Q.  What do you call a friendly dead Egyptian?
    A.  A chummy mummy!
  • Q.  What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
    A.  A plumpkin!
  • Q.  Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
    A.  To a dayscare center!
  • Q.  Why don't skeletons like parties?
    A.  They have no body to dance with!
  • Q.  What was the favorite game at the ghosts' birthday party?
    A.  Hide and shriek!
  • Q.  How does a witch tell time?
    A.  She looks at her witch watch!
  • Q.  How does a monster score a football touchdown?
    A.  He runs over the ghoul line!
  • Q.  What do the birds sing on Halloween?
    A.  Trick or tweet!
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  • Q.  Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
    A.  Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares!
  • Q. Why are there fences around cemeteries?
    A.  People are dying to get in!
  • Q.  Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
    A.  Because everyone was a goblin!
  • Q.  Why do mummies make good employees?
    A.  They get all wrapped up in their work!
  • Q.  What surgery does a vampire doctor perform?
    A.  Fly by night operations!
  • Q.  What did the ghost buy for his Haunted House?
    A.  Home Moaner's Insurance.
  • Q.  What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
    A.  Count Duckula!
  • Q.  What would you get if you crossed a cow with a werewolf?
    A.  A hamburger that bites back!
  • Q.  Why do bats fly at night?
    A.  Because they are afraid to drive!
  • Q.  Why do spiders spin webs?
    A.  Because they don't know how to knit!
  • Q.  Where do ghosts shop?
    A.  In bootiques!
  • Q.  What's a ghost's favorite food?
    A.  I scream and boo-berry pie.
  • Q.  Why did the monster eat a lamp?
    A.  He wanted a light snack!
  • Q.  How do you make a skeleton laugh?
    A.  Tickle its funny bone!
  • Q.  How did the ghost teacher explain the lesson on going through a wall?
    A.  She went through it again and again.
  • Q.  Why didn't the teacher believe the ghost?
    A.  Because she could see right through him.
  • Q.  What did Mrs. Tombstone say to Mr. Tombstone?
    A.  "Don't take me for granite!"
  • Q.  Knock-knock.  Who's there?  Goblin.  Goblin who?
    A.  Goblin your candy will make your tummy ache!
  • Q.  What days of the week do monsters like best?
    A.  Moon-day, Tombs-day, and Fright-day.
  • Q.  What does a witch ask for when she checks into a hotel?
    A.  Broom Service!
  • Q.  How can you tell if a school is haunted?
    A.  If it has school spirit!
  • Q.  Knock, knock.  Who's there?  Thumping.  Thumping who?
    A.  Thumping green and slimy is crawling up your neck.
  • Q.  What do you call a monster that is nine feet tall, has six arms and poisonous fingernails?
    A.  Sir!
  • Q.  What do you get if you put a witch in the refrigerator?
    A.  A cold spell!
  • Q.  What do short-sighted ghosts wear?
    A.  Spooktacles!
  • Q.  What do you get when you cross a watchdog and a werewolf?
    A.  A very nervous postman!
  • Q.  What do ghosts wear in the snow?
    A.  Boooooooooooooooooooooooots!
  • Q.  How do you make a witch scratch?
    A.  Take away her W to make her itch!
  • Q.  How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
    A.  With a pumpkin patch!
  • Q.  Who do ghosts and ghouls go to see when they get sick?
    A.  Their primary scare physician.
  • Q.  Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
    A.  He was buttering up his teacher.
  • Q.  What did the cannibal order at the "All you can eat" restaurant?
    A.  Two waiters and a busboy.
  • Q.  What does the little monster call his parents?
    A.  Mummy and Deady!
  • Q.  What do you call a monster with no neck?
    A.  The Lost Neck Monster.
  • Q.  What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
    A.  A sand witch.
  • Q.  What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
    A.  A sour-puss.
  • Q.  What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? 
    A.  Fasten your sheet belts!
  • Q.  What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
    A.   Decomposing.
  • Q.  What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
    A.   Mas-scare-a.
  • Q.  What kind of music do ghosts listen to?
    A.   Sheet music.
  • Q.  What did one ghost say to the other ghost? 
    A.  "Do you believe in people?" 
  • Q.  What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
    A.   A boo-tie.
  • Q.  What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? 
    A.  Lemon-slime!
  • Q.  Where do most werewolves live?
    A.   In Howllywood, California.
  • Q.  Where does a ghost go on vacation?
    A.  Mali-boo.
  • Q.  Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? 
    A.  No, they eat the fingers separately!
  • Q.  Why did the ghost go into the bar?
    A.  For the boos.
  • Q.  Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? 
    A.  They're so wrapped up in themselves!
  • Q.  Why do mummies make excellent spies?
    A.   They're good at keeping things under wraps.
  • Q.  Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
    A.   He has a bat temper!
  • Q.  Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
    A.   They're afraid of flying off the handle!